Why George W. Bush should serve a third term

“Penguins are a threat to our national security.” -George W. Bush

You may be wondering why I’m writing an essay on why George W. Bush should serve a third term. After all, essays are not very fun to write and George W. Bush (known as GUB from now on) is constitutionally prohibited from making another bid at the White House. There is also a very deep field of candidates running for President (there is also a very deep field of candidates not running for President). However, none of these candidates have ever served in the White House and most of them have high cholesterol or scoliosis.

America is facing serious problems and GUB is the only man and woman qualified to be President. I will list his qualifications later on in my essay, but first I will provide some historical context for the essay reader.

There have been no Presidents in the history of the United States to ever serve more than 2 terms. Many historians have argued that FDR had been elected to 4 terms, but they are horribly mistaken. FDR served his four terms as half a man (since he was handicapped); therefore, he served only 2 terms (4 divided by 2). Also, FDR was constitutionally prohibited from serving more than 2 terms, since constitutional amendments are retroactive.

Now, that I have laid down the historical basis for GUB’s bid for a third term, I will now enumerate his qualifications.

• GUB can read.


• GUB is the first President to have an MBA.


• GUB has owned a baseball team that has scored the most runs in a game.


• GUB drives an American car in his spare time.


• GUB is in the running club with Forrest Gump.


• GUB killed the hydra, captured Cerberus, and cleaned the Augean stables.


• GUB has won the Nobel Peace Prize, the Nobel Prize for physics, and the Nobel Prize for Literature.


• GUB has time traveled.


• GUB holds 37 world records.


• GUB has dressed up as Batman for Halloween.


• GUB has acted like a monkey on several occasions, including Thanksgiving and Christmas, but not Halloween.


• GUB ate 17 bananas in a day.


• GUB has made a documentary entitled, “An Inconvenient Monkey.”

In conclusion, I think Herm Edwards said it best when he said, “You play to win the game.” And that is why George W. Bush should run for a third term.

References:

“My Life” by Bill Clinton
“Playing to win a game” by Herm Edwards
“Monkeys, monkeys, and more monkeys: a children’s book” by Laura Bush
“Why Al Gore should run for President” by Rajesh Atluri
“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” - a movie