Why Tedman uses Purell

At age 2, Tedman was born. Shortly after, at age 3.4, during a visit to Taiwan, he was recruited by a secret agent for the germs. This secret agent was called Smallpox (hence, Tedman's lack of height). Smallpox was on its last legs, mostly in part to the Smallpox vaccine. However, as it lay dying, it recruited Tedman to develop a killer supergerm that would annihilate the entire human race, except for maybe Batman.

At age 8, Tedman began collaborating with communist Chinese officials on how to develop a deadly virus. The Chinese were looking for a deadly virus to control their overpopulation problems. However, in one fell swoop and a swing of a tennis racket Tedman ruined years of research and was subsequently kicked out of China and shipped back to Taiwan. (The Chinese efforts finally came to fruitation of late with the arrival of SARS. They began testing in Toronto and it would have spread further if Marcus Nacic hadn't stopped it with the help of prehistoric velocity.)

At age 10, Tedman read in TIME magazine that the extended use of Purell will lead to the development of "supergerms." Purell claims to kill "99.99% of all germs." This leaves 0.01% of germs alive, stronger, faster, and smarter. Ever since then, Tedman has been using Purell in hopes of creating a supergerm. He has even begun recruiting other humans to start using.

Take a stand. Don't use Purell.